Faith is described in a million ways, but a few are put on constant replay in Christian churches. Mostly, the experience of being able to see and feel the Spirit of God is described as the “mountain top,” meaning all the hard work and hardships (the “valleys”) are temporarily behind. The feeling is a high but it is short-lived. All relationships go through peaks and valleys, and the faith relationship, the struggle to find and understand God, is no different.
This pregnancy has given me a new perspective.
Yes, I’m about to compare faith and my relationship with God to hormonal fluctuations. Deal with it.
The unfortunate thing about hormones and how crazy they make you is that you have no idea they are making you crazy. In the Hormone Fog, you will develop, defend and scream out arguments that feel well-reasoned and intelligent. You will fight and cry and convince yourself that other people are hurting and deceiving you. You will do all this and never, never realize that you are being insane.
This is life without the presence of God.
You’ll scream and cry, flounder and fail and tell God it’s all His fault. You’ll find well-reasoned ways not to do what God has been telling you to do all along. You’ll look to other sources for comfort. Distractions, other religions, anger and even family can become your spiritual brownies–offering hollow comfort with little reward.
Life in the presence of God is that moment when the hormones have subsided, and you relax, and you’re not screaming any more.
Those moments where you know that you are seeking the truth–and finding it–those moments are simple. Easy. Clarity.
So that’s it. Life without God=Hormone Fog. Life with God=Clarity.
There’s a simple hunger. You wake up thinking about how you can get closer to that feeling. You go to bed realizing that you prayed/meditated/studied more in that one day than you had in months or years. You hear yourself talking of faith in dark moments where faith would have abandoned you in those same situations previously.
Easy clarity that makes you feel like you can breath without struggling, like you can see without squinting. No matter what you call God, or how you see Him, describe Him or hear Him, if you’ve felt that clarity, you’ve felt Him. The Spirit of God is calling. Answer. The Fog will lift. You’ll feel better. Clearer.